Today's take home lesson also has to to with conversations and saying the appropriate thing at the right time. We all have opportunities to speak our mind, repeat something we heard elsewhere, or tell a story in the conversations we have with others. Sometimes, there are things we ought to say and others that we ought to keep to ourselves. The take home lesson for today is to watch what you say, when you say it, and who you say it to.
I. What
Watch what you say to others. Try to avoid speaking negatively of others. This is accomplished by putting a positive spin on everything we talk about. It is always easier to speak negatively, criticize, or tear down someone or something. The difficult, yet more productive choice is to speak words of kindness, enhance or build up the person or thing of discussion.
II. When
Watch when you speak in conversations. When speaking with others, there is a flow or a cadence to the conversation itself. Having a conversation with someone implies that effort is put in by all involved. Figure out the "right" amount that you should contribute to what's being said. This is different for everyone and is part of who we are. Some like to talk a lot and others very little. Learn to carry on your side of the conversation. There is definitely a time when we need to speak up. Obvious times would be when asked a question or when a response is directly requested of us. Other times might be hiding in the shadows and require more close attention for us to see them. On the other side of this, we need recognize when to be quiet. Give others a chance to speak. Conversations are much more interesting when there's more than one opinion being expressed.
III. Who
Learn about who you are speaking to. Ask about their interests and make a conversation about them. There's nothing more constructive to a conversation than showing interest in the other person. Typically, this would involve asking a question. There is an art to finding out things about others and we all have our different ways. Find a way that's successful and respectful. Some questions/topics are safe and inviting. The weather always seems to be fair game. Some things are personal and should be reserved for only the closest of friends or those we really trust.
This article isn't meant to cover everything. Paying attention to these three things will help us to learn and grow. This isn't everything, but it certainly is a start. Understanding the what, when and who of our conversations will help us from inserting our feet in our mouths, help others to be happy, and they just might make or lives more effective and pleasant.
Disclaimer: By the way, this post represents a lifelong goal of mine. Many of the ideals I've written are so difficult for me to do all the time that I think I'll be working on these things all my life. This article absolutely does not represent something that I have mastered and seek to teach to others. These things are part of what I continue to work on to become a better person.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Talk or Listen
The lesson of the day concerns the different types of conversations we have in various settings. The take home lesson of the day is sometimes we need to talk and sometimes we need to listen.
If you pay very close attention, to the point of "reading between the lines", you might notice a very interesting dynamic that can exist in conversations of different settings. At work, at home, at social gatherings, all seem to present us with different conversations. Anytime someone speaks, they always have a motive or reason of some kind for opening their mouth. These motives can be very complex or very simple. The reasons can be selfish or selfless. Sometimes, the person will want something, be it information or help with something. Others just simply need a polite, listening ear to hear out what they have to say.
At work, I have learned that sometimes people need someone to talk. Have you ever heard the uncomfortable silence when a large group of people sit down at a table and no one says anything. Maybe each individual is hoping someone else will make the first move and "break the ice." I work at a consulting business where we often have meetings with clients. There seem to be many instances when the client wants the consultant to speak and take control to show their work, or whatever the reason. There will be situations in life where you can put the other person at ease by speaking. Of course, what you say does matter, but all the knowledge and wisdom in the world won't benefit the other person when it's kept inside. People who are comfortable with opening their mouths will naturally attract others to talk with them.
The other side of the lesson often comes from our more personal relationships. Sometimes we need to be a good listener. In some cases, the speaker simply wants a respectful audience. Next time you get the chance, really think about how the speaker feels to have one or more people quietly listening intently to what is being said. Whether or not you agree or understand what they are saying, your respectful silence can really strengthen a relationship. A lot can be learned when you are listening. This is why eager-to-learn students are quietly paying attention while their teacher is talking - because they hope to learn something from what their teacher is saying. So we can increase our learning through simple listening.
Learn to speak when you ought to speak. Learn to listen when you ought to listen. Simple ideas that might keep you out of trouble and help you understand more of what's going on around you.
If you pay very close attention, to the point of "reading between the lines", you might notice a very interesting dynamic that can exist in conversations of different settings. At work, at home, at social gatherings, all seem to present us with different conversations. Anytime someone speaks, they always have a motive or reason of some kind for opening their mouth. These motives can be very complex or very simple. The reasons can be selfish or selfless. Sometimes, the person will want something, be it information or help with something. Others just simply need a polite, listening ear to hear out what they have to say.
At work, I have learned that sometimes people need someone to talk. Have you ever heard the uncomfortable silence when a large group of people sit down at a table and no one says anything. Maybe each individual is hoping someone else will make the first move and "break the ice." I work at a consulting business where we often have meetings with clients. There seem to be many instances when the client wants the consultant to speak and take control to show their work, or whatever the reason. There will be situations in life where you can put the other person at ease by speaking. Of course, what you say does matter, but all the knowledge and wisdom in the world won't benefit the other person when it's kept inside. People who are comfortable with opening their mouths will naturally attract others to talk with them.
The other side of the lesson often comes from our more personal relationships. Sometimes we need to be a good listener. In some cases, the speaker simply wants a respectful audience. Next time you get the chance, really think about how the speaker feels to have one or more people quietly listening intently to what is being said. Whether or not you agree or understand what they are saying, your respectful silence can really strengthen a relationship. A lot can be learned when you are listening. This is why eager-to-learn students are quietly paying attention while their teacher is talking - because they hope to learn something from what their teacher is saying. So we can increase our learning through simple listening.
Learn to speak when you ought to speak. Learn to listen when you ought to listen. Simple ideas that might keep you out of trouble and help you understand more of what's going on around you.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Be True to Your Word
The take home lesson of today is be true to your word. By this, I simply mean do what you say you are going to do. There is a balance in this because sometimes people have tendency to back down from challenges in order to keep this ideal. Besides, if you never said you would accomplish the task, and you don't; you're being true to your word, aren't you?
Technically, you are. But you aren't progressing. You haven't taken any lessons home or moved any closer to meeting your goals. Implicit in today's take home lesson is (perhaps a future post?) stepping up to the plate. Taking on an assignment. Don't lie, or take on something that you shouldn't. BUT, the balance of that is grabbing opportunities and running with them. This isn't digressing, but it is getting off topic.....
Once you've stepped up to the plate, grabbed the opportunity and started running with it, finish. Finish on time. With the highest quality you are capable of. When you meet others expectations, you also meet your own. Satisfying needs in others is only part of the deal. When you meet a deadline, finish a product or service and get it to your "client" within the agreed timeframe, you build confidence in yourself. Proving to yourself that you can be true to your own word builds a bedrock of character within you from which many good things can spring forth.
The confidence you build with others when you are true to your word is vital to any social relationship. Think about those around you that you trust. Why do you trust them? What have they done to gain that trust? Somewhere along the line, they kept their word with you. They met your expectation. This means everything when there's a real live problem and you must place your trust in someone else to solve that problem.
Do what you say you will do. Be true to your word.
Technically, you are. But you aren't progressing. You haven't taken any lessons home or moved any closer to meeting your goals. Implicit in today's take home lesson is (perhaps a future post?) stepping up to the plate. Taking on an assignment. Don't lie, or take on something that you shouldn't. BUT, the balance of that is grabbing opportunities and running with them. This isn't digressing, but it is getting off topic.....
Once you've stepped up to the plate, grabbed the opportunity and started running with it, finish. Finish on time. With the highest quality you are capable of. When you meet others expectations, you also meet your own. Satisfying needs in others is only part of the deal. When you meet a deadline, finish a product or service and get it to your "client" within the agreed timeframe, you build confidence in yourself. Proving to yourself that you can be true to your own word builds a bedrock of character within you from which many good things can spring forth.
The confidence you build with others when you are true to your word is vital to any social relationship. Think about those around you that you trust. Why do you trust them? What have they done to gain that trust? Somewhere along the line, they kept their word with you. They met your expectation. This means everything when there's a real live problem and you must place your trust in someone else to solve that problem.
Do what you say you will do. Be true to your word.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The Value of the Lunch Break
Today I learned the value of the lunch break. Have you ever wondered why sometimes we have to lose something to gain appreciation for it? Whilst at work this morning, a very important and urgent task was placed before me right before lunch. It needed to be done as soon as possible and I could see that it would take me well beyond lunch to finish. Being Christmas time, I managed to find something around the office to eat and I worked right through lunch to finish the task. I accomplished what I needed to and felt like I did a good job.
By this time, it was well into the afternoon, so I decided to just finish out the day. It wasn't until the car ride home that the Take Home Lesson for the Day came to me - a day with a normal intensity and no lunch break is much more tiring that when I do take a lunch break. On the way home, I noticed I was really tired - more so than usual. I learned the value of taking a lunch break.
The mind and body work much more effectively when breaks are used properly. We can work much better and finish out the end of the work day much stronger when a decent lunch break is taken. A lesson I enjoy teaching my children over and over is that the human body is the only machine in the world that gets better with use. This is true with both physical and mental exercise.
A good saying I learned from my father that I've tried to live by: "Work hard and play hard." Set goals for your time at work - long term and short term. Work hard to achieve them. Lay out your daily tasks and do what it takes to finish them. Take time, here and there, to reflect on your long range goals. Take a step back and see what path your day-to-day actions are taking you down. Make course corrections as needed.
Plan out your breaks and vacations with the same intensity. Do those things that bring regeneration and renewal to your mind and body during your break. Some times I like to sit back and let a movie entertain me. Other times, I feel an inner drive to get something accomplished and sitting back is the last thing I want to do at the time. Excessiveness on either end makes me ineffective and unhappy.
But the proper balance makes all the difference in the world.
By this time, it was well into the afternoon, so I decided to just finish out the day. It wasn't until the car ride home that the Take Home Lesson for the Day came to me - a day with a normal intensity and no lunch break is much more tiring that when I do take a lunch break. On the way home, I noticed I was really tired - more so than usual. I learned the value of taking a lunch break.
The mind and body work much more effectively when breaks are used properly. We can work much better and finish out the end of the work day much stronger when a decent lunch break is taken. A lesson I enjoy teaching my children over and over is that the human body is the only machine in the world that gets better with use. This is true with both physical and mental exercise.
A good saying I learned from my father that I've tried to live by: "Work hard and play hard." Set goals for your time at work - long term and short term. Work hard to achieve them. Lay out your daily tasks and do what it takes to finish them. Take time, here and there, to reflect on your long range goals. Take a step back and see what path your day-to-day actions are taking you down. Make course corrections as needed.
Plan out your breaks and vacations with the same intensity. Do those things that bring regeneration and renewal to your mind and body during your break. Some times I like to sit back and let a movie entertain me. Other times, I feel an inner drive to get something accomplished and sitting back is the last thing I want to do at the time. Excessiveness on either end makes me ineffective and unhappy.
But the proper balance makes all the difference in the world.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Take a Second Look at Your Emails
Today's lesson comes from my day at work. I have an office-oriented job where most of my work is on a computer. For the past few days, I've been trying to get a piece of information for a project. To speed things up, I contacted more than one source for this info, in hopes that one of them would help out. Leaving out a lot of details, I received an email that appeared to me to a little stinging and curt. I have never met the sender and so I have no idea what tone the email was meant to be. But it came across to me as negative. It may or may not have been intended that way, but that's how I received it. My apologies if I misread the message.
There are many people sending out many emails each day. Some for business and some for other social reasons. The take home lesson is take a second look at your emails before sending them. Think of how it may sound to the person receiving it. Will they receive it in the tone that you meant? Would you regret it if anyone else read it? Is the email even necessary or would some other form of communication work? Maybe you need to cool your jets and do nothing?
Yes, it is true that we can't control how others react. I've come across some who are eagerly looking for opportunities to get mad/offended. Those people will find what they're looking for, whether you get involved or not. If you stop and take a hard look at your emails before sending them, you might not only sidestep a few arguments, but life will go a bit more smoothly. Who knows? You might be more effective at your job.
Maybe you don't send very many emails. Perhaps there's another form of communication that you could substitute in for email. Speech, body language, etc. The take home lesson should still apply and the benefits should be similar.
There are many people sending out many emails each day. Some for business and some for other social reasons. The take home lesson is take a second look at your emails before sending them. Think of how it may sound to the person receiving it. Will they receive it in the tone that you meant? Would you regret it if anyone else read it? Is the email even necessary or would some other form of communication work? Maybe you need to cool your jets and do nothing?
Yes, it is true that we can't control how others react. I've come across some who are eagerly looking for opportunities to get mad/offended. Those people will find what they're looking for, whether you get involved or not. If you stop and take a hard look at your emails before sending them, you might not only sidestep a few arguments, but life will go a bit more smoothly. Who knows? You might be more effective at your job.
Maybe you don't send very many emails. Perhaps there's another form of communication that you could substitute in for email. Speech, body language, etc. The take home lesson should still apply and the benefits should be similar.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Look for Opportunities to Help
This is my first post on this site. I hope you enjoy it. Today I learned about the importance of looking for opportunities to help those around me. We have a neighbor who recently lost her husband due to a number of health problems. My wife and son went up the hill to take her some cookies to show our support. They found her sweeping the leaves off her walkway. Comments and offers were made. They came home and told me about it. I immediately headed up with my blower in hand and my son with the rake. We worked for maybe two hours and cleared most of her front yard of leaves. She appreciated our work very much. What wasn't said was how good she must feel to have neighbors willing to support and help her during this time of need.
Each of us could probably find an opportunity to help someone else out every day. If you have children living with you, these opportunities will come on a minutely basis. One way I make sure to help at least one person each day is to "let someone in" to the flow of traffic as I'm driving. This might seem like a little thing. But part of my whole reason for writing these posts is to help others see the power of doing the little things in life. Once we see the power in our own small sphere of life, imagine if your little good deed was multiplied many times over. Traffic jams would be relieved, the need for law enforcement would be greatly reduced. I could go on and on.
Look for opportunities to help others around you. You can make a difference in someone else's life (however small) and your own problems will fade into the background for a moment. Make a habit of helping others and you might just find some of your problems have gone away for good.
Start today.
Each of us could probably find an opportunity to help someone else out every day. If you have children living with you, these opportunities will come on a minutely basis. One way I make sure to help at least one person each day is to "let someone in" to the flow of traffic as I'm driving. This might seem like a little thing. But part of my whole reason for writing these posts is to help others see the power of doing the little things in life. Once we see the power in our own small sphere of life, imagine if your little good deed was multiplied many times over. Traffic jams would be relieved, the need for law enforcement would be greatly reduced. I could go on and on.
Look for opportunities to help others around you. You can make a difference in someone else's life (however small) and your own problems will fade into the background for a moment. Make a habit of helping others and you might just find some of your problems have gone away for good.
Start today.
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